Hello. Long time no see.


I am an bad English speaker.

I wrote dumb English comments to some map pages.

I'm really sorry.


I improved my rpg map "C-F-I-R" especially, the sentences.

I don't have a motivation of my English completely.

Would you like to check my sentences below?

Thank you.

-----------------------------------

(opening)

- If you hate any horror, I recommend exit soon.

- Need headlights.

---

You were chosen to sacrifice.

---

What...?

Where am I?

---

Cold Fragile Infernal Rituals

---

(Ingame)

Chapter 1 : A temple
Chapter 2 : Realm of dead
Chapter 3 : City of hell
Chapter 4 : A temple (part 2)
Chapter 5 : Darkness
Chapter 6 : The execution
Chapter 7 : Make it back alive

---

Can you hear me?
The door to your homeworld is opened.
You can escape now.

---

(When failed)

We won't let you go.

---

(When succeed)

Congratulations!

I only find this that is a bit suspicious

You were chosen to sacrifice. << = this feels wrong

and maybe this ?

Cold Fragile Infernal Rituals

I'm no native speaker, but I'll try:

I recommend to exit (soon) - soon seems unnecesary, add "to"

You were chosen to sacrifice (SOMETHING) your right arm f.e. /or chosen to be sacrificed

Cold Fragile Infernal Rituals - why fragile?

The door to your homeworld has opened. /or is open

I hope this helps
Hans

> SPIDER
> Hans Holo
Thank you for your help. I'm grateful. I can't say thank you enough.

Cold Fragile Infernal Rituals...

correctly,

Cold Delicate Infernal Rituals...?

This map custom music is titled "Cold Fragile Adventure".

also correctly, "Cold Delicate Adventure"?

The below link is the custom music.
https://dl.dropbox.com/u/53759823/20111218-tm2canyon/publishArchives/20130211_No034.mp3

Do you have anything ideas instead of "fragile"?

I don't know what Cold Fragile Infernal Rituals is supposed to mean.
Wouldn't be Infernal Rituals enough?
Maybe some native speaker can help you here...

Cold Fragile Infernal Rituals is the name of the track and as so, it's fine. It doesn't need to be changed if you don't want to.

If you hate any horror. It works grammatically, but (to me at least) it's not very pleasing. A matter of personal preference wants it to be something like "If you don't like being scared," or "If you are scared easily," but perhaps that's not what you meant?

... I recommend exit soon. --> It should be "I recommend exiting soon." (Or even "I recommend you exit soon"

You were chosen to sacrifice. --> Perhaps, "You were chosen for sacrifice." ?

Realm of the dead, maybe?

Hope this helps...

> Cxom
Thank you for your feedback!

Now, every's correcting is helped/helping me. Thank you, everyone!

cxom says:
If you hate any horror. It works grammatically, but (to me at least) it's not very pleasing. A matter of personal preference wants it to be something like "If you don't like being scared," or "If you are scared easily," but perhaps that's not what you meant?

Just now, I noticed the description "If you don't like horror tastes,"... It seems like good for me. But... do you?

That one doesn't work. Like and tastes are kind of redundant as well. "If you don't like horror", or "If you don't have a taste for horror" could potentially work.

> Cxom
Thank you for your correctings. Pleased.

My sentence will change even better.

I will continue improving my sentences.
I will do my best.

Now, advices are enough.

Please forgive my low vocaburary of greetings.

Very thank you, everyone!

Sincerely.

I will apply the below sentence to my map update sometime soon.

----------------------------------------------

(opening)
- If you don't like to be scared,
I recommend exiting soon.
- Need headlights.
---
You were chosen for sacrifice.
---
What...?
Where am I?
---
Cold Fragile Infernal Rituals
---
(Ingame)
Chapter 1 : A temple
Chapter 2 : Realm of the dead
Chapter 3 : City of hell
Chapter 4 : A temple (part 2)
Chapter 5 : Darkness
Chapter 6 : The execution
Chapter 7 : Make it back alive
---
Can you hear me?
The door to your homeworld has opened.
You can escape now.
---
(When failed)
We won't let you go.
---
(When succeed)
Congratulations!